A dream 20 years in the making

In the last song of class, we always celebrate what we just accomplished. 45 minutes to intentionally care for your body and mental health!

Growing up, I remember my mom going to exercise classes that she dreaded, then not going, then feeling bad about herself for not going. She would diet and lose some weight, then not diet, then feel bad. I could see the pain in her relationship with her body, and I definitely did not think that exercise looked like something you could enjoy. It seemed like something we should do to “fix” our body, as if there is one right way for a body to be. It wasn’t only my mom– I saw a lot of this same approach from friend’s moms and women in my family. The magazines I read advertised “10 minutes to flatter abs,” 3 day cleanse diets that promised a thinner “after” body with a women smiling a lot brighter than the women with the “before” body.

In college I majored in Psychology, ambitious already to become a therapist. I also started taking Women’s Studies classes where I learned about the impacts of the patriarchy. In my “Gender and the Media” class, I saw example after example of how men are pictured in active poses while women are consistently  posed in passive roles, subject to the male gaze. The message was clear that their worth was directly connected to their appearance. In a hierarchal society where men are at the top of the power structure, to become more appealing to a man would move onr closer in proximity to power. In a culture that gives us an image of one “ideal” body type, that leaves so many women feeling like their body is wrong in some way and needs to be fixed in order to be desirable or worthy. The even more heartbreaking thing to me about this system of scarcity is that women then begin to see each other as competition, easily criticizing each other rather than lifting each other up. And how easy is it then for a woman to become at war with her own body, depriving it of necessary calories and trying to force it to be something its not. When we are busy tearing ourselves and each other down, we are not rising up in power. We think this path will keep us safe, but it hurts all of us. The more I understood about this, the more passionate I became about finding a loving relationship with my own body. Additionally, I desired to uplift the women around me, because what we can do together is more powerful than what we can accomplish alone.

In high school I was on a competitive cheer team that kept me active through regular practices, so college was the first time I started going to the gym to get exercise. I used to think I hated running, but with this new lens on the world from my classes, I started to work out from a place of care for my body and curiosity about what it could do. I ran a mile (well I walked some of it). Then two. Then I could do three! Every time I did this, I got a great mood boost after the work out, and I especially got excited about seeing all of the new strong things my body could do. I couldn’t believe how much I could love this process of working out, how good it made me feel, how letting go of a focus on calories burned or obsession over the number on a scale left me with such a sustainable source of motivation. I became deeply aware that you could approach the same three mile run as an act of punishment to your body and it would be psychologically harmful, or with curiosity, care and a desire to get stronger, and now the same run is psychologically beneficial. A seed was planted in these years…someday I need to find a way to bring exercise and mental health together.

I graduated college in 2008, went to graduate school to get a Masters in Counseling Psychology, worked at a practice for 4 years in Boston, and then 11 years in Chicago. I love practicing traditional talk therapy and getting to work with my clients in this deep meaningful way. As I have built my practice, I continued to exercise on my own, still believing that some day I will find a way to integrate them. When covid hit, we got a Peloton, as so many did. As I watched the instructors on the bike and realized how much they talked as they taught, I thought “Oh, I could do this!” In December or 2023, I went to New York City and got to take classes at the Peloton studio and meet some of my favorite instructors. Energized with a new sense of inspiration and determination, I decided it was time to make it happen. When I got home, I researched spin studios in my area, and found SALT fitness. I reached out to the owner to pitch my idea. She was so supportive, arranged my training to become a spin instructor, and in May of 2024 I started Therapy Ryde (it had a different name to start, but that is a story for a future blog post!) A year and a half in, this class is a huge light in my life. I intentionally plan a theme each week, and each song on the playlist corresponds to what I am talking and teaching about. I incorporate practices of mindfulness, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Self Compassion theory, share helpful research insights, all while riding/dancing to an amazing pop playlist.

Two thirds of the way through class, we turn the lights down, turn our attention internal and I lead a guided meditation. I encourage attendees to turn toward their difficult emotions in our class rather than judge, push away or try to fix them, and the result is that the emotions can move through us and we experience relief. Often people tell me they were moved to tears at some point during class, but the most common thing I hear after class is “Oh my gosh, that was so much fun!” What has been most meaningful to me is the community we have built. The members who come over and over, who have fallen in love with the class like I have. We get to know each other, look forward to seeing each other, and especially in times where our country is so divided and there is so much disconnection, this kind of connection feels like an antidote.

I wonder what 20 year old me, running around the track at the student fitness center in college would think if I could tell her 20 years later, you will be leading exercises classes that put mental health and movement together. That not only would I find a loving relationship with my body that comes from a place of valuing myself and wanting myself to be mentally and physically strong, but that I would be teaching this same message to others. I think she would be pretty excited about the journey ahead.

Our guided meditations

Two thirds of the way through class, we turn the lights down, turn our attention internal and I lead a guided meditation. I encourage attendees to turn toward their difficult emotions in our class rather than judge, push away or try to fix them, and the result is that the emotions can move through us and we experience relief. Often people tell me they were moved to tears at some point during class, but the most common thing I hear after class is “Oh my gosh, that was so much fun!” What has been most meaningful to me is the community we have built. The members who come over and over, who have fallen in love with the class like I have. We get to know each other, look forward to seeing each other, and especially in times where our country is so divided and there is so much disconnection, this kind of connection feels like an antidote.

I wonder what 20 year old me, running around the track or on the treadmill at the student fitness center in college would think if I could tell her 20 years later, you will be leading exercises classes that put mental health and movement together. That not only would I find a loving relationship with my body that comes from a place of valuing myself and wanting myself to be mentally and physically strong, but that I would be teaching this same message to others. I think she would be pretty excited about the journey ahead.